“You owe me this.”
“You should be and behave like that.“
"I can't believe you did it to me!"
"If you really loved me, you would..."
“I deserve better… more…”
I aced Entitlement since my childhood.
I knew exactly how to make my parents do whatever I needed them to do.
The moment You became my partner, it was the most natural thing in the world for me to apply it. Fitting you into my Life Vision, into my Work, into my ideal of a Family, into my ideal of a Partner.
And You, being so eager to make me happy, you tried everything to satisfy all my desires, many times losing yourself along the way.
Confused, while taking yet another breath, you'd ramble sometimes before falling asleep: "Wow I am so exhausted at the end of the day."
As long as you played along, the entitlement flourished.
One day you woke up and said: "Wait a minute.
There is something OFF here. I won't play this game anymore".
Before plunging into deep feeling of loneliness and grief, I did my very BEST to blur your clarity by giving you many arguments and pulling on emotional strings. I even pulled out the RED card, the one I should never use.
But you saw through these games of words and emotions, and you just laughed in the face of it!
I hated you in that moment.
Because I felt powerless.
What woke me up was that even when I touched on your Achilles hill, when I reached the most vulnerable part of you, and you got knocked out in confusion... you slowly stood up and boldly declared your Love (together with Clarity that from now on it will be different).
This is when my rage subsided.
I suddenly saw You standing there.
And I heard birds singing.
In that very moment, I was willing to let go of my entitlements.
You invited me to sit with my loneliness for a few days.
Not knowing.
How to be.
What to do.
Who am I without entitlement?
The loneliness was like a black hole... it felt like it would never stop. It made me aware of so many things that I've been taking for granted in life… including You.
