Being WITH

Since a few days, I am sitting with...

Loneliness

Sadness

Pain

Without doing anything about it.

I am not thinking about...

Loneliness

Sadness

Pain

I am not making any conclusions.

I am just present to how it all feels in my body.

It literally aches physically.

At times it's even painful to breath.

I lie down frequently, stare at the ceiling and just feel, noticing my breath, my heart beat, my blood moving.

These feelings would usually make me manipulate another to give me attention, to rescue me, to give me love in the way I did not receive as a child.

I am aware of these impulses every day now.

I am watching them, without acting on them.

I am clear about my desire to shift the energy.

I could do it.

I could put on some music that would create a shift.

I could connect with girlfriends and fill the space with sharing about my feelings.

I could eat the whole content of my fridge to compensate.

Instead, I am watching all these impulses.

And as the days go by, I realize, it is OK to feel

Loneliness

Sadness

Pain

to this degree.

It feels like dying but I am not dying.

I realize I know these feelings intimately since the very childhood.

I used to blame my mom and dad for not giving me Love in the form I desired, and for the impact it had on the rest of my life.

I stop with this kind of projections once and for all.

Bah!

I see how I give to my daughter ALL I have with all my Heart.

And how she still feels she wants more, differently, demands even more, throws tantrums.

She mirrors me.

Thank you, Alisia.

Being WITH. That's all for now.