I was a bit disappointed with the proposal and I sensed there was anger as well. Anger has been knocking on the door more regularly these past weeks so I was glad of the opportunity to dive into it ."
I received this message from someone after I announced the postponement of one of my programs and proposed new dates.
I deeply appreciate this message, because it shows me exactly what the person is feeling (vulnerability/authenticity) and it is free of making wrong (ownership).
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When someone doesn't do what we want or what we expect, why do we want to make the other wrong? It is so precious to acknowledge feelings that are moving inside, even share them with the person in question, and at the same time to give the other full freedom to be and do the way they choose to in that moment.
Everyone has different values.
Everyone is at a different level of awareness.
Everyone is just different.
And no matter how much it hurts what the other does, just notice why you want to make them wrong.
Because we take it personally?
Do we make their behavior or action mean something about us?
Because it touches our values?
It's one of the most difficult relational challenges, I find. But such a rewarding one to embrace.
Being vulnerable about your feelings while giving full freedom to the other person to be themselves.
My biggest teacher in this is Dylan. Of course! Because we are so close every day and because we are so different, I find myself often in situations where my expectations are not fulfilled. Oh my God, how many times have I been frustrated about it. In those moments, I tried to convince him that he should behave differently, or blamed him for his actions and choices.
Until I realized... that my expectations come from my NEEDS, and my needs are mine to take care of, not his.
And vice versa, it is equally true. I am not here to please anyone but to live my truth that is present in every moment. And if it disturbs someone in any way, I am happy to receive the feelings of the other and hold space for them within my boundaries, so the other can trace their unfulfilled need. And then see together how that need could be fulfilled if it's not through me.
Having worked with so many people, it's also clear to me that most of the time, people act from the best intention within their set of values and level of awareness.
This path teaches me to TAKE CARE OF MY OWN NEEDS in creative ways, while letting go of expectations from anyone else to be the one to fulfill them.
And if making wrong is the only option for you right now, then it's like this. It's better to be honest about it than pretend something else. Your own wisdom guides you towards deeper seeing step by step anyway, at your own time.
