Since January of this year, I can honestly say, it's been the most intense year of my life so far. And still three months to go!
If I had to give a name to 2021 it would probably be something like Torpedo.
It takes a village to raise a child. This saying is so true. And this is a big part of my life now, and will be for much longer. I have way more respect to my parents now that I have a chance to raise a human being myself. I used to brag what my parents could have done better or what they haven't done but should have done. Now, I laugh thinking about it... feeling "Wow, they've done such an amazing job!"
Hearing Alisia call "mama" in the morning when she wakes up, pierces my heart with an intense combination of love, pain and urgency. It's like I feel many different things at once moved by the vibration of her voice. Wake up and straight into service - this is reality. She seeks a belly to belly contact often and I feel her body relaxing comfortably each time she is in my arms. Today, as all 3 of us went biking, when she was at some point looking at me with her blue eyes and smiling, I felt "I wish I had 5 of such little miracles... if only someone else could give birth to them."
Next to this big commitment, my Sex, Love, and Relationships studies are already ongoing for 9 months straight. Officially, 3 more months to go. Each day, I must spend 2-3 hours a day studying (self-practice, live calls, watching and listening to videos, practice with peers), if I want to be on track. And I am! I always loved studying and this year it's been the most inspiring year in this sense as it is so up my alley what I learn and practice every day. This is the University I was looking for when I was a teenager. Exactly like this! Learning by applying directly to life. Theory, practice, result - BAM!
It's been also quite a transformative year in relationship with Dylan. We both are open to dig into the rabbit hole if needed, and resurface out of it with a new clarity and inspiration (like I shared in one of my last posts). I feel, we are at such a profound and beautiful level of relating now, I'd never imagine possible. Why I'd never imagine? Because we are so different. Literally, you'd sometimes think 'impossibly different'. And yet, at the very core, in our depth of love and in our core values, we are so similar. One thing I got big muscles from practicing in this relationship is weaving polarities. Day in, day out. I am so proud of us.
Tantra work is skyrocketing through referrals. It's incredible to work with all these diverse and amazing people. I needed to put a HOLD sign till December/January for any new coaching and bodywork requests. Since summer started, I had up to 30 coaching sessions a month. I wish I could share all the wisdom and insights from these sessions with all of you here, but I had to prioritize my presence for doing the work over sharing what I do with the rest of the world. But I will, I still will, as there is so much wealth in everything that is happening in these sessions. All in due time. And...in the upcoming 2 months, I'll be holding 4 retreats (all fully booked!) - so excited about being in the living field again!
Last month, I put a focus on re-aligning my everyday life to my highest calling. To the same degree of clarity and presence as I hold in retreats. For this, I needed to set way more boundaries in all areas of my life, to get even more clear what is important and what is not. I found a PA (it deserves a separate announcement!). And I also made sure to balance my soul's calling to SERVE with a disciplined NOURISHMENT through regular friends connections, spa days, and daily practices of silence, yoga, nature, music.
It all feels like juggling with 1000's of balls in the air at the same time. Being a mono-tasker by nature, I do get challenged by this intensity. And at the same time, when I am in the moment of the day, it all just feels like a big flowing river. When I get overwhelmed, I ask myself: "What is needed for balance?" and then I act on it, and this is what makes me not go cou-cou and burn out but still feel inspired and resourced.
And even now with all of this, I am looking forward to many more things I want to do when there will be time for them... like travelling again, picking up my hobby of tango dancing, organize quality family gatherings, and so much more.
A year later, this post will probably pop up and I will read it with a big smile remembering this multi-levelled rollercoaster year. And I will say "Hallelujah! I just refuse to die with songs inside of me!"
