I am having one of those sleepless nights when inspiration overflows and the mind can’t stop creating, having images and thoughts in the direction of the Future.
This creative pulse is usually kicked off by an upsurge of sexual energy which I experience as a strong pulse at the base of the spine, in the perineum area, causing contractions in the genitals and lower belly.
I know this pulse since I remember myself, while still being a child.
You can’t imagine how many years I’ve been fighting this pulse believing that something was deeply wrong with me, after my mom suggested that normally the pulse should not be there and that I should stop it. Oh dear, I could not stop it, even if I really wanted to! On the contrary, the more I’d fight it, the more it would intensify. And so I was fighting it fiercely, and it was intense every day!
As a teenager of 15 I went to a shrink determined to finally fix it once and for all. That woman turned out to be my savior - finally someone started bringing light into the whole situation. She told me “it’s amusing to see you so blessed by creative energy while you perceive it as a curse.” I could not understand yet what she meant. It was too far out for me. I had been ashamed of this annoying and yet pleasurable pulse all my life. I thought I had a rare handicap.
She explained to me that all children feel the sexual energy to a certain degree, some only slightly in some situations, and some very few children have it very intense. Unfortunately, she said, parents are not educated about it, and they try to fight it instead of teaching a child how to use it constructively. She worked with me to release shame and taught me to love and embrace the pulse. That was the start of my healing which took many years after.
There was a period in my early 20’s when I channeled and released this energy only into sex, and at other times I was still fighting it trying to suppress.
Today I don’t fight this energy anymore, and I also don’t channel it only into sex. I like to direct it into many other things, welcoming it fully whenever it comes. I discovered what a treasure it is.
This night I have let it stream into creativity. A couple of years ago, thanks to Tantric practices, I discovered that with my intention I can direct this energy to anything I want, be it my creative projects, relationships, difficult situations, etc. And then a creative stream of thoughts and images opens up and starts overflowing. It literally tells me what to create and how, what to take as next steps, gives loads of inspiring ideas as well as clarity and precision to realize them. It's incredible as it all happens without me doing anything. I just witness the whirlpool of creative ideas inside of me.
This night, this snake-like energy has been wildly active for several hours… it's almost 5AM now and it is still not completely calm. I’ve been breathing it in, allowing it to take me over, moving my body. And then suddenly it opened creative input in the direction of outlining this coming year with some important milestones, providing steps and giving loads of inspiration. I got up to note it all down in key words, because I knew that tomorrow my mind would remember only a fraction of this creative whirlpool.
And after I finished noting down, I decided to share about it all here. First I doubted whether it would be understood if I’d post it on my timeline and not in a closed tantra group. And then I smiled, recognizing the remnants of shame in me projected onto others, and decided to write and share it anyway.
Sexual energy is a real treasure. Nourish it, channel it.
Good night...
About us:
Dylan and I met in May of 2017 and since then, we have been intensely together, first travelling and living in Thailand for 2 months, then travelling through Greece and Spain, until we decided to settle down in Belgium, where you will find us now.
