Many of us have experienced in the past or are experiencing today that intimacy with our partner is not or no longer fulfilling. And even though you'd maybe want it to be different, and you even tried to improve it, it became kind of a must, something you feel you are supposed to do to be a good partner, or maybe one of you or both avoid intimacy all together.
Let me tell you that it doesn't have to be this way at all, even in a long term relationship.
Let me tell you that deep and fulfilling intimacy is possible for everybody.
There are good reasons why intimacy between two loving human beings can collapse. Below, I will highlight 4 of the most frequent reasons:
Confusing Intimacy & Sex
Collectively, it is assumed that Intimacy equals Sex, and that a prolonged hug or a kiss should lead to sex.
Intimacy and Sex are two different things even though sex is always intimate. Most often, what we all really need and desire is connection with our partner, not necessarily sex. Connection can be accomplished on a very deep level through conscious intimacy, when we open up to connect with our beloved through cuddling, massaging, breathing together, feeling each other’s heartbeat, looking into each other’s eyes. In fact, this unconscious linking of intimacy to sex is one of the most common reasons why one or both partners may avoid close contact and intimate communion with each other.
In Module 1 'Conscious Intimacy Retreat', we, for instance, work with an intimate practice of Giving & Receiving, which opens so many new possibilities for intimate relating.
Coming from Concept
Modern way of life invites us to use our mind more than the body. However, when we approach intimacy with the mind, then we don’t see its beauty as it unfolds moment to moment. It’s not about “knowing”, it’s about tuning into what the moment is inviting us for, what the energy in our bodies is calling for right in this moment. Dropping all concepts and expectations, and starting to listen to our body is Key for intimacy. It’s just what happens in the Here & Now that matters. Then each intimate moment is new, unique, magical.
To get into Here & Now is as simple as quitting the box that we have created about sex & intimacy. For instance, for men, there is no need to force sex to show your love, and for women, to see that you are not a bad partner when you don’t want sex when your partner wants it. Becoming aware of the unconscious patterns that are at play helps to land more and more in the Here & Now.
3. Lack of Trust
Without trust towards our partner, or when we hold some fear(s), we experience contraction in the body. Body is key to intimacy, so if our body is not open, we are not available for intimacy. It’s the nature of fear – contraction, and even the most skillful and present lover won’t open you up if you hold mistrust.
It’s about making mistrust and fears fully conscious, creating transparency and seeing if these fears are justified. Most often they are not, being merely a projection of your past pain. Acknowledging fears, sharing them and looking into the underlying cause relaxes the contraction, allowing us to open up fully to ourselves and our loved ones.
4. Women and Men are different
Women are Water, Men are Fire. For women a step from Intimacy to Sex is most of the time much larger than for men. Men get fiery very quickly and they can be ready to have sex pretty fast, while women need to have their whole body heated up and their heart open, to be ready for sex. But once woman is hot, she’ll stay hot for a long time. And here it is up to men, to stay in the heat and not extinguish the fire too fast.
If women can respect their Water nature and acknowledge the time they need, without feeling obliged to rush, and men can see that it’s not always about following the intensity of the heat and embrace the difference, then they can both experience a long lasting pleasure and fulfillment.
Does this all sound interesting and inspiring to you?
Is this something you’d like to experience in your life as a reality?
These are just some of the key points we work on during the Conscious Intimacy Retreat, in order to create a fulfilling intimate life with ourselves and our partner. The next one is scheduled on December 7-9th and will take place in Blegny, Belgium at a magnificent Chateau Cortils. The retreat is open for both singles and couples alike.
Register for Conscious Intimacy Retreat on December 7-9th during the next 5 Days and get a FREE 30 minutes individual Zoom session where we can discuss one of your most relevant pain points or areas of further expansion in intimacy & sexuality.
For full details and to see our promotional video about the Conscious Intimacy Retreat here.
About us:
Dylan and I met in May of 2017 and since then, we have been intensely together, first travelling and living in Thailand for 2 months, then travelling through Greece and Spain, until we decided to settle down in Belgium, where you will find us now.
