Just re-emerging from an 8-days Dharmic Living retreat today with a heart full of gratitude.
Up to 5 days before the retreat started I did not feel it.
I was not in resonance with doing the work.
I was also not clear why or what caused it.
It was just like someone suddenly switched off the light.
A couple of days before the retreat my dear sister and friend Liesbeth Van Rompaey held an intentional ceremony for a small circle of friends where I got in touch with the realization that "LOVE is the only thing worth living for." It cracked my heart into thousands of pieces, and made me aware how guarded my heart was for some months and how I was lost in some frequencies that took me away from innocence, joy and purity.
Compromise here and there (on a personal front), a sense of duty & obligations, combined with over-focus on my Ego-self and over-reliance on external input, made me feel heavy. I got into a thick cloud and even started feeling anxious. (Thanks to my BODY for speaking up and calling me to wake up!)
After the ceremony where I realized that LOVE is the only thing worth living for, I still did not feel the calling to lead the upcoming retreat. For the first time in 7 years, I just did not feel it. At the same time, I had crystal clarity that it was meant to happen and that I needed to show up.
There was TRUST.
I shared with participants that I didn't feel it any more and that we would not schedule more retreats than the ones already on the agenda this year. That Dylan and I would see together if he would take over the lead for the ones planned still this year, modules 1,2,3,4. And I would support him by being present there too, but more from the 2nd line.
It was so weird to speak these words knowing that this week we will get probably the biggest amount of registrations in our retreats ever in the whole history of having Temple of Tantric Arts, because of "Axel gaat Binnen' episode being aired.
I surrendered everything to LOVE.
All the symbols, smells, and music were like a portal bringing me into connection with the depths of Truth. I did not offer any practice if it did not come from the frequency of Love and from which my heart would not feel expansion.
On day 3 or 4, Sri Yantra above our altar fell down and caught FIRE from the candles. My mind could not comprehend it, but every cell of mine REJOICED when this happened.
On day 6, when connecting to my soul frequency, I had a thunderbolt VISION as a holographic image of Light shining through a Diamond and emerging in a wide spectrum of colors.
This vision kicked me into a big inner EXPANSION.
HOLY F.ck!!
"Don't be afraid to close the door when your HEART is no longer in it. This retreat "Dharmic Living" is not the end to this work, it’s just the BEGINNING", these were my final words at the retreat.
During the Dharmic Living process I personally got the calling to take a celibacy vow for the next 3 months and dive deep into the Mystery. Today I moved all my most necessary stuff out of the main house into the garden space.
Deep bow and gratitude to all participants for your trust to be guided without a plan and for being a direct witness of the Divine in action.
