As I went to bed and closed my eyes yesterday evening, after having attended another nourishing community gathering here in Ubud, it occurred to me that I've created exactly the LIFE I always desired.
I kept choosing the calling of my HEART, believing that ALL IS POSSIBLE. Even at times when circumstances were pointing to the opposite, I kept expanding any inner limitations in consciousness.
I travel the world again including the most epic places on this planet Earth like Bali, now with my family. This place blows my heart and mind - the field of kindness, love and care that Balinese people offer is incomprehensible. I've never seen this anywhere else in the world in the collective field.
Connection with Dylan since 2,5 months has been beyond what I wished for. I am even somewhat afraid to write about it to curse it in any way. The past two years we spent doing hard inner work and healing our inner parts, are now paying off 100-fold. We meet each other in our heart, sex and vision like never before.
Alisia bursts my heart open every day. Her love, her curiosity, her aliveness. And I don't need to do much here, except offer my love and take care of her needs. I sometimes secretly wish we had created 3 of such amazing little humans.
We offer Tantra work in various parts of the world and it is welcomed with open arms. Already since 7 years, we keep offering our 1 year Tantra program "Expansion into Love" that combines Eastern Tantra philosophy & practice and Western transformational tools. People get what we are here to transmit, and every human who GETS it, bursts my heart open.
2 days ago we were in a Tantric Temple with 50+ other humans. I felt so much at home in an authentic Tantric field. Interacting in authenticity and freedom, celebrating our sensual nature together, expanding in consciousness through deep devotion to life expressed in all shapes and forms. It's only possible to experience, no words do justice here.
And I have to CONFESS.
Right now, I am almost on the verge of...
Running away and disappearing.
This morning I could not get out of bed, as I felt overwhelmed by it all. I felt anxious and like it was "too much". I'm sure FULL moon is also playing a role here.
As if it is easier to run away and start all over from scratch than stand on top of the mountain and celebrate, acknowledge all the steps and the work that has been put in creating this reality and RELAX into it.
I hear my mind saying "what's next?" and I'm like "what next?"
I know... I just need a PAUSE to observe & feel it all in STILLNESS.
River, I am coming. Time for integration.
And then it may overspill... I don't have to hold it all for and in myself.
With love,
