The morning started with a meditation in a stone circle. A place of power. A cathedral. Every Monday the community gathers here to ask for guidance for the upcoming week.
There are in total 96 stones with various qualities here. I was drawn to 2 particular stones and was revealed their meaning later. “Language of the Heart” and “Sun”.
While I’m here I’m trying to understand how the community navigates Free Love and Sexuality and why they believe it’s one of the pillars for peace in the community (and the larger world). Also, are they truly fulfilled living this way?
Before I came in contact with Tantra, I remember feeling suffocated in my long-term monogamous relationship. I felt attraction to other men, and I wanted to secretly live it out. Most of the times I suppressed that desire. Some times I lived it out and it was shamed and labelled as “betrayal”. Betrayal is the only word possible in the world of monogamy because this structure doesn’t welcome even the conversation about feeling love or attraction for another human being than the one you are in a committed relationship with.
Recognising limitations of monogamy for my own nature, I entered my next long-term relationship on the foundations of non-exclusivity. This is where I met my jealousy, my fears, my insecurities, my conditional self-value.
I learned so much about myself, about safety, and lack of it. About communication and the impact of it. About my inner structures, beliefs, and stories. It was a powerful time of growth. Not an easy one, but so insightful and liberating.
Since I came in contact with the wisdom of Tantra, it opened yet another new world for me. A world in which I can freely let my Love and Sexuality flow without engaging into sexual intercourse with other people than my partner. Because Tantra gives tools to celebrate love and attraction energetically. Now, more than 6 years together, I’ve had sexual closeness only with my beloved or as a trio (my partner, myself and the 3rd person) when we had that chapter, and I actually never desired to have this level of intimacy with someone else.
Because Tantra gives me tools to consciously share my love and sexuality energetically with anyone I feel attracted to, and it’s consensual in my relationship, this nourishes so much, and gives so much fulfilment to also exchange with other energies, that I have no need or desire to have sex with someone else.
For me, sex is a sacred act. Having sex with someone makes us One. With the awareness I have today, I desire to share this level of depth only with my beloved. This is my personal preference now (who knows how it evolves going forward ).
While being here at Tamera, I’m inquiring if I have deeper fears when it comes to sharing sexuality in all its depth with anyone else outside of my relationship, should there be a genuine attraction and desire to do so. What makes me want to share it only with my partner? Besides the desire to have something deeply special together, I also sense some protection… a deeper fear of dissolution, of loosing myself, of leaving, of… else?
Each of us is different and it’s fascinating to meet all kinds of people through my work and also here, and to learn what’s important for each of us at this moment of life and how uniquely we navigate our love and sexual life.
With love,
Alexa Mira
