We consecrated and made love in nature yesterday, under the warm sun rays in a soft shade of a tree. Our intention was to meet each other deeply, on the soul level, and let all the rest burn.
As I felt gentle kisses and soft caress on my body, the sun was shining right into my face at some point. I called to the sun for its fire to reveal any untruth, to bring it to the surface. There was something between us for the past few months and we could not put a finger on it. It manifested as us deeply desiring each other, but each time we would physically come together for intimacy, we'd feel stuck in different frequencies that seemed impossible to align.
My heart and my whole body was longing for my man. And now, finally, time was there to connect... just the two of us. I felt gratitude, joy, and only at the back of my head a little voice "I wish Alisia has a looong nap today." I felt that we'd need more time this time around than usually.
I was ready for our souls to merge, I longed to feel the union. We played, we rolled, we hugged and kissed, we looked into each other's eyes and felt deep recognition. Love was streaming between us.
We played like this for a while, yet my yoni stayed quiet and numb, she would not react. I kept relaxing deeper and deeper, letting go of any expectations, letting go of any ideas about him and me, and us.
It was not shifting.
So I named it and asked him to hold space for me while I embody her numbness. I entered her frequency of that moment, and everything became still and indifferent inside of me. I asked the numbness that I was: "What do you want?" First nothing came back, and only a few minutes later as I kept falling into this sense of indifference and stillness, I heard "True Alignment is missing".
I did not know immediately what it was about. So, I invited Dylan to enter a space to radically share our truth with regard to "Why are we together?" Is it still true for us to be together or has it become a mere habit? A convenience to have a family? What are we longing for in our relationship, and also what are we longing for on our individual soul's path? What's the true alignment that is missing?
First, all the things we knew were spoken, but we kept digging deeper, supported by the fire of the sun.
Suddenly I asked him: "Love, is this the Life you truly want?"
"Of course, Not", he answered spontaneously.
"Aha! Tell me more. I want to know everything".
This is when he shared with me that after Alisia was born and because we bought a house he feels obliged to provide for it, and settling down with a well paid job seems like the only reasonable option for the next few years. His intense sugar cravings were a physical proof that the calling of his soul was silenced. He shared that deep inside he feels trapped, he wants to explore, he longs to give space to his voice, but he parked it all because it doesn't bring money home and because his fear tells him that it would endanger the relationship and the family.
After acknowledging this raw clarity, we both burst in tears. Consequently, we brainstormed what it would look like to give his soul a priority seat. Would it mean that I would temporarily take over our monthly household bills for a few months up to a year? Or maybe he could start exploring his soul's calling in parallel with his well-paid job? We talked about possible first steps and the fears related to them.
The more we spoke about it and the more real it was becoming that he feels called to live his Truth, his Light, I felt my Yoni becoming more and more alive. At some point, she was pulsing with light sparkles and I was waiting for the conversation to end for us to make love.
By the time we finished our long conversation, Alisia woke up.
But in the later evening when we went to bed, we connected our genitals again, in stillness, to feel each other's frequency, and we both experienced such a deep relaxation that neither of us felt for the past few months, like two souls resting.
True alignment. She doesn't want anything less than that.
Thank you for being the guardian on my path.
