Each time I want to post about something I love, I enjoy, I am excited about, at that very same moment a thought arises that my messages might be causing pain to someone who longs for the same and doesn't have it for one or another reason. I actually do feel pain myself on behalf of these people, and it's like I step over it and post anyway, because "it's not mine". But the more I feel into it, the more I realize that it is also mine, because I feel it too, even if it is on behalf of others.
And what is mine and not mine anyway?
When I was pregnant and I was sharing my joy about it, it felt so good. And one day a woman told me that she felt pain looking at me, because she had miscarriages and she so longed to have a full pregnancy. I felt pain in my heart when hearing her, it made me really sad. I watched a feeling of guilt creeping in and I really had to consciously stop it. I offered this woman all my support, in word and in deed, if she needed. And it was staying with me for many weeks and months.
After this, I thought, wow, how many things I share may be causing pain in others because they long for the same and for one or another reason they don't have it.
When I gave birth and held my little treasure in my arms, I wanted so much to share with the whole world how happy and proud I was, and so I did, and at the same time I felt pain for those who wished and could not do the same.
And today, when sharing about Dylan, I was happy to express and share my love for him, and at the same time I am aware of pain in those who are longing for a partner and are not relating with someone yet, or whose beloved is not there any more. I have several amazing human beings around me who are single. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I should organize a party and get them all in one place.
To be honest, these feelings were often stopping me to share things. Being an extravert, sharing things with others gives me energy and inspiration in return. I don't want these feelings of pain on behalf of someone to stop me from sharing. Yet, I am still struggling with reconciling both, as I notice that I do each time feel the polarity.
