Bridging polarities in Intimacy

Last week, I shared with you how my partner and I are different on so many levels and that it is still possible to be fulfilled in a relationship like this. And I promised to you to share how we bridge polarities in our intimate life.

I am very excited to share this with you!

It took me so many years to figure out how it works. I used to sulk or eventually quit relationships because I would hit a wall not knowing how to bridge our differences.

"How fascinating!" as an attitude towards differences of your partner is not a little thing. This attitude is a foundation. It implies that inside of yourself you give your partner full freedom to be their unique Self.

When this is the foundation, you can still express to your partner what you need or desire, but you will not feel entitled that he/she needs to provide it. Here too, you will give them full freedom for a Yes or a No.

And they may say Yes this time - great for you! But they may as well say No next time.

If their No response upsets you to the degree that you start going the downward spiral in your emotional state, then I may gently suggest that you are emotionally dependent on them.

Being emotionally dependent, you will try to make your partner fulfill something that your inner child hasn't received in the past. Be it loved, accepted, or seen. You may become angry or upset. Maybe you even don't recognize yourself in those moments or feel guilty afterwards about your anger, but somehow you don't seem to have the power to stop it as it is stronger than you. Nothing wrong. I believe everyone can relate to this. It only means that your inner child is not yet fully embraced... by Yourself. And instead of taking care of this part of you by yourself, you are trying to get your partner do the job by trying to change him into a suitable version for yourself.

There is nothing more beautiful in a relationship between two human beings than both fully and authentically free to be themselves. Don't you agree?

But human psyche works this way that once we get into the zone of "MY partner", most of the time we want to change him/her to become someone who will make us feel comfortable at all times.

It's unfair towards them, and it's unfair towards yourself. Because in the end, even if they give in to your attempts to change them, you will be the one who will say pretty soon "Who is this next to me?" This is not the person I once knew. Yes, because you won't see their light shining anymore as they become someone they are not.

So, if your partner is different in intimacy, like in our case I like to start making love slowly, and Dylan loves to approach it with fiery passion from the start, first thing I say is: "How fascinating!" thus giving him full freedom to be the way he is.

Then I ask myself: "Am I giving myself THAT which I so much want to receive from him?"

Oooohh, I know... it doesn't feel nice to ask this question, because 99% out of 100% you are not giving it to yourself. You'd rather let him/her do it for you. And if s/he doesn't, they become the cause of your unhappiness and lack of fulfillment.

If you are ready to ask yourself the above question, then shift your focus to give yourself that what you need and desire by yourself first. Learn to fill your cup yourself, so you can share your full cup with your partner rather than depending on them to do it for you.

What will be different when you approach him/her from a full cup and not from a space of neediness?

You become attractive, radiant, alive, yummy!

And you also become unattached to whatever response they might give.

Knowing that my partner gets bored if he needs to slow down his fire at the start of love making, I give myself that slow way of connecting on my own first. I melt into deeper layers of myself before I share intimacy with him. I provide to myself that which he doesn't want to or can't provide. And once I've brought myself to connect to deeper layers of me, I invite him into my intimate space and enjoy our amazing love making. Because as a full cup I can meet him in his fiery polarity. And you know what's even more exciting!? When I meet him in his fire, he naturally wants to slow down. ))

How fascinating!

Allowing the other to be their authentic Self . As simple or as complex as it is. This is the foundation of authentic unfolding towards embodying Your and your relationship's full potential.

With love,
Alexa Mira 💋