"How do you think Dylan felt when you put your hand publicly on the lingam of your assistant for a demo massage?"
"How is it NOT infidelity?"
"And why was there no happy end? Some of us were waiting for it to happen!"
These were the questions I was asked in the interview after the Tantra Massage demo, in a separate interview room.
I loved these questions because they possibly represent questions of the collective, rooted in the values and norms of traditional monogamy and mainstream sexuality.
What allows me/us to do what I/we do, including putting a hand on a lingam of someone else than my partner?
Tantra departs from a notion that everyone is whole & complete, not just the "other half".
In Tantra, everything is viewed as energy. All forms and shapes, living and non-living beings are also energy. Transfiguration practice helps us realize this, not just understand.
Tantra includes everything in the context of Divinity. Everything is divine. Consistent Tantric practice roots us in this realization.
My context for putting my hand on the lingam during a Tantra massage was far from traditional engagement with genitals in the context of sexual arousal.
In Tantra, we want to invite the energy to rise along the energy channel, so it can lift all protections and blockages from the body, charge the energy body, and awaken spiritually. Releasing the energy through whats referred to as a "happy end" would defeat the purpose.
For us personally, Dylan and I do not live in a traditional monogamy context. We live ethical non-monogamy. It is the most fitting form of relating for both of us and we live it from inside out, in alignment with where we are on our journey. There is much more to say here, cause ENM can have so many forms.
For the first 4,5 years, we were non-traditionally and ethically monogamous, and even then it was totally fine for us to give intimate Tantra massages to others, because we clearly could differentiate the contexts.
One of the questions that was asked too:
Does entering a Tantra retreat immediately mean you will need to get outside of your couple bubble and do something intimate with other people than your partner?
Not at all.
And if there is openness from both sides, yes you can.
When the latter is consensual and transparent for all involved, it can be very enriching, beautiful, expansive. Couples can take the gifts of expansion received in practices with others into their own couple.
A lot of couples who come to us are usually open to a smaller or larger degree to do practices with others. Many couples choose to do most intimate practices with each other. I'm not referring to sex here, cause it's not part of the program. It's about exchanging intimate touch and energy.
Some couples choose to do the whole trajectory only together, and not engage with others at all.
Beyond anything, the most important red line throughout this work is that people learn to listen to their authentic YES and NO and get empowered to act on it.
With love,
Alexa Mira
