It doesn't matter what we do, but if we can not be our unique & authentic SELF, we will not be FUL-FILLED.
There was nothing wrong with the last corporate job. I've been employed in 3 different jobs in that multinational, and had 3 completely different experiences.
The 1st job in corporate finances was totally not reflecting who I was. I spent about 3,5 years doing it, way too long! When I was sitting in the meeting room with the whole department, I mostly felt like I just landed from Mars. I saw passionate conversations, the department was young and ambitious, everyone seemed to be getting the red line of the conversation, and I could barely grasp the meaning of the transactional language. "Is there something wrong with me or with them?", I often thought to myself. Today I realize no one was wrong, I was just not in the right place, and the signs were clear from the beginning.
Thanks to the Learning & Development department who willingly explored the above question with me, I was supported to find out that I better focus on working with PEOPLE, not with spreadsheets. Once that was clear, I was offered a job as a coordinator in the Learning & Development department in charge of organizing leadership, personal development, and competence related courses for employees as well as coordinating in-company coaching. I loved it because development & growth have always been and up until now are my core values, and I got to learn so much from being in the courses directly as part of my daily job!! Dream come true. I spent 3,5 years doing this with a lot of passion & joy, I was really good at it, and at some point I was ready to move on.
The 3rd job I was offered was Recruitment. I was curious how it would be to be a Sales person. Because recruitment in the corporate environment basically means SALES. You hunt for and sell jobs to highly qualified people. This is where BIG MAMA laughed the hardest at me. Even financial department was a dream compared to this. I had to speak passionately about the jobs I was selling and I was NOT, and I could NOT make myself passionate because the core of the business meant nothing for me. I felt like a FRAUD - the most yikes feeling ever.
And honestly, probably it was one of the best offices out there. There was care, friendship, laughter, chill vibe, young spirit. I had the most friendly and caring lady boss. We often went out for lunch together and I loved connecting with her. I just could not be authentic in that job as mySELF. It was sad for the office that I stayed there longer than a couple of months. They could have had much better results with someone who really loved it and cared. My results were below poor. I saw that other employees enjoyed their flow in it, while I felt like I landed not just from Mars, but from a different GALAXY.
Stretching my time in that department up to 9 months was not (or was it?!) a good idea. What happened after was exactly what I described in one of my last posts about DHARMIC LIVING. One day, my body and spirit REBELLED and glued me to my bed.
In that moment, I could have gone to a shrink to find out what was wrong with me, and they would surely prescribe some nice dose of anti-depressants to dim the hard feelings so I could continue doing my job in the best interests of my own welfare and that of the company. By the way, many people default to this option.
HARD, TOUGH, UNPLEASANT feelings is one of the best things that can happen to a human being.
I mean it.
When we embrace these feelings and are willing to feel them through, to descend down the rabbit hole, they usually lead us to very revealing places with a hidden treasure. One needs to be willing to DESCEND and feel.
In some spiritual sources, prolonged states of inner turmoil and chaos are described as the Dark night of the Soul. It can visit someone not only in situations like I describe above, of course. There can also be trauma underneath, incompletion with the past, unforgiven stuff, unintegrated shadows, etc. But looking at how many people do jobs, relationships, projects, and other things where they can not authentically BE the expression of themSELVES, and instead need to go into pretense, is something we as a society should have a RED alarm button for.
Because most don't know better, a lot of people default to
*anti-depressant pills
*drugs
*over-consumption of plant medicine
*addictions to sugar (so readily available anywhere you go!)
*alcohol
*porn (because life energy is stuck in the sex center and has nowhere to go other than into RELEASE!)
*work (workaholics out there, I know how it feels to make an idol out of your work - look into shame & guilt)
*entertainment industry (TV, video games, etc.)
and all sorts of other stuff that beautifully numb us into a state of ignorance or propel us to disconnect from reality.
What will it take for us individually and as a society to wake up to our natural way of being (Dharma)?
