Our intimate life is very superficial to non-existent.
“I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.” - Gerry Spence
Sometimes people contact me with the question:
"Our intimate life is very superficial to non-existent. I'd like to deepen our intimacy through learning more about Tantra, but my partner doesn't want it. What to do?"
And then they mention that either their partner feels like "Everything is fine with me. I don't need it." or "What is Tantra? What if others find out that I do something like this?". So, some sorts of beliefs and conditioning that stop them.
Of course, you can do your Tantra journey alone and then bring the fruits of practices back to your relationship, but today I'd like to address those of you who are in doubt and maybe fearful to start exploring something new like Tantra.
Tantra is a broad system of self-development, it encompasses all of life. Some ancient Tantric scripts reveal to us simple yet powerful techniques and practices that we can use to deepen our intimate and sex life. Tantric practices teach us how to move during sex, how to breathe, how to give and receive unconditionally, what positions and touch techniques work best, they make us get in contact with our body, open up… all in the name of feeling more fulfilled and nourished in our relationship.
I've seen many couples by now who have spent many years together and coming to Tantra they have re-discovered their connection and passion on a new level. Usually, they first go through a process of purging, i.e. releasing the unwanted feelings, memories and conditions which they accumulated over years and which created distance between them.
Below is a message from a man, who was strongly in resistance to come with his wife to the Conscious Intimacy Retreat. In his mind it was some sort of "new age stuff" that he as a scientist working in a University could not trust. Eventually, he gave in to her arguments. She had severe coughing on the 1st day but was committed to stay for the sake of expanding in intimacy in their relationship. And so, they completed it together.
Here are his words after the retreat...
"I came to the retreat to accompany my wife, and until the start of the workshop considering her health, I was on the verge of abandoning and going home. I am so glad we stayed!!! The first day was a time when only my brain was active and the morning of the second day I had difficulty to feel anything because I was too focused on her (fell in tears during the self-love exercise thinking about her), but the Tantra massage provided by my wife opened a new world to me and it was such a strong experience to feel my energy and my energetic body! It made me see life and my relationship with her in a completely different way. I thank you and Dylan and all the other people that came to help calm me down when I was having a strong energy upsurge... The next day I was finally being myself and receptive to meditation, spirituality and my own energy. During the final morning meditation, I finally could keep my eyes shut all the time and saw a blue light turning subsequently to purple and red dancing on waves... During the subsequent exercise about orgasm, I am grateful to Dylan for being present for me and helping me in controlling my own energy and accepting its presence. I had a fantastic time playing around with all the other people present and seeing everyone's evolution through the weekend.
I now understand my wife better and on the way back she could finally share with me all her spirituality and this is bringing our relationship and communication to a completely different level of intimacy and connection.
We even made a Tantra room in the house and had our first attempt at Tantric sex yesterday night. I now feel all the time tingling in my hands and can almost at will get to feel my gantlets of energy that manifested on Saturday evening after the Tantra massage.
I feel so different. I am alive again and am so grateful. One last thing I want to share with you is that since we came back home, I have found back the woman I fell in love with and can be present fully for her and hold space for her in my Shiva form. And then I really feel her moving all around and expressing her Shakti..."
N. from Belgium
After this retreat, several months have passed, and he is the one who is driving their Tantric journey forward now. I’ve seen them last weekend again and they keep telling me about the positive changes in their relationship since they started the journey.
WHAT IF our biggest expansion lies in something we mistrust at the moment, or something we resist based on our unconscious beliefs that don't allow us to see the full picture? 🙏
About us:
Dylan and I met in May of 2017 and since then, we have been intensely together, first travelling and living in Thailand for 2 months, then travelling through Greece and Spain, until we decided to settle down in Belgium, where you will find us now.