DHARMIC LIVING fascinated me even before I discovered the possibility of it. It called me ever since I remember myself. For a long long time, I felt a deep longing inside. I did not know what it was about. I had no words for it, nor could I put my finger on it. Each time I would try to feel into it, it showed up either as melancholy, or boredom, or sadness, or depression. Each time I'd feel these feelings, I'd try to distract myself with yoga, dance, fine dining, social interactions.

This longing was flirting with me throughout my later childhood, teenage and adolescence. I did my best to do things "right" as I was told by my parents, school teachers, later university professors and later on 'successful' professionals.

Until I ran into a wall.

A thick WALL.

I was 29 when I found myself lying flat on my bed in a luxurious penthouse in Brussels, feeling that I'd rather die than go one more day to the corporate office I've been employed in, at the European Headquarters of a multinational company. As I was lying there, my whole life passed in front of my eyes, and especially all the past days of the last few years when I was living "success".

At that moment, I was in a loving long-term (7 years together) relationship. Both of us had prestigious jobs in multinationals, travelled the world for business and leisure wherever we wanted, the bucket list of destinations was pretty much ticked off, we had rich social life, hobbies from tango soirees to European gatherings to delicious going outs.

That morning, I felt like I was the most MISERABLE person on the whole planet.

Just imagining that I would get up and have breakfast, then drive 25 minutes, do 8 hours of office work, drive back for 25 minutes, go for a social gathering somewhere, then dinner, then sleep. And next days...

REPEAT.

REPEAT.

REPEAT.

They said that if I did it well through the corporate ladder till I retired, I'd get a good pension and be free with a good coverage for my needs & desires for the rest of my life.

F.ck!

I kept lying there on my bed with white linen sheets, the sun was shining through the upper roof window, and my boyfriend at that time called the office after two hours of seeing me glued to our bed and shared with them that I was unwell and would not come to the office. I did not come to the office for the next few days. I kept lying on that bed. With a bitter and painful realization of "what the f.ck have I been doing all my life, ever since I remembered myself?!"

After a few days of being glued to white sheets and not brushing my hair nor teeth, I took a decision to give myself 1 year to figure out what this life was about and if there was any other way at all. And otherwise, I was clear that I did not want to consume more food and other resources. I packed my backpack and left to the only sources of wisdom I was aware of at that time, ashrams in India.

The worst moment in my life turned out to be the best moment of my life. I WOKE UP from a dream I never chose to live.

And the JOURNEY began...

Sintra, Portugal, October 2023