Today I feel a shift in energy.

Many insights, but overall a feeling of humbleness.

I’ve been blind to a few things.

Wanting to change another is a result of not being able to or not willing to BE WITH my feelings.

Loneliness is there when I’m identified with a particular “how it should be”, how I or he should be. When I let go of this, and simply allow the feeling that is touched in my conditioned inner world to be felt, without judgement, then there is just what is, deep sense of connection.

Loneliness is a result of my conditioned, identified mind.

There is none outside of it.

This identification with how it should be made me blind to the love he was pouring into me every day.

And yes, I may have my needs and desires, and a vision for life, but I don’t want to exercise entitlement towards my partner to fulfill on all of this. It’s either natural or it’s not. I can express and share, but I can’t force it.

He is his own energy.
And all I’ve got to do is respect it.

I knew it on a certain level for a long time, but now it has sunk through to my guts.

My needs and desires, and my vision of life, are mine, and it’s my responsibility.

I also don’t want to force myself into anyone’s vision of life.

It’s up to me to make my authentic choices moment to moment, without blaming anyone or making anyone else responsible.

The energy flows today very gently.

It’s clear I’m being called for a greater autonomy, which doesn’t mean a disconnection or not needing another.

I want to take it slowly in the next few weeks to observe my programming and to discover what wants to unfold naturally when I’m not in the rails of it.

I’m grateful for the space here to process and to share. And also to read your resonating (or not) responses.

Journaling doesn’t work for me. This does.